Nobody's Perfect
Normally I'd be in bed trying to fall asleep right now but I can't sleep. I have too much on my mind right now and I just had to get it off my chest.
I can't stop thinking about Steven, and how hard our relationship has been, and my life here. I miss him and I love him and this long-distance is SO hard.
I know that I've never complained about Steven on this thing, I just never wanted anyone to think that he was a bad person. Because he's not. However, like every guy in the world he has done things that are immature and inconsiderate. When he has a bad day he feels very sorry for himself, and I think that he gives up too quickly on some things.
But yet, I love him. Someone once asked me why I love him, and I said that I just do. I'm not really sure why I do. I fell in love with his southern charm, his big heart, how I could talk to him about anything, and his endearing personality traits.
In my head I play the morning that I was leaving to go home after Mardi Gras and how sad I was. I just felt so heart broken. I hated the whole moment.
I have friends who think that I should break up with Steven because they think that I could find someone a lot better. My family thinks that I deserve better because Steven doesn't have the financial capabilities to take care of me right now. He's not settled into a career and he's 29 years old and they don't like that.
I'm just so confused, angry, sad, lonely, and lost. My life has gotten better here, but I wish that he was here for me to share it with. I'm angry because some people think that its okay for them to tell me how they think that I feel and what I should do and then sit there and tell me that if he's the one that I want to be with then they'll support that.
You have no idea how I feel inside. You only know so much about our relationship. And things are a lot easier said than done. If you are really my friend than you'd just be there for me and support me, and not preach to me about what you think that you know about relationships. Let alone mine.
I feel like I get constantly preached at about Steven and I'm so sick of it. I never do that to anyone. Because I'm not in the relationship and I have no right to tell you what to do. Unless the guy is treating you like total crap, than I'm just going to listen to you, be there for you, and support you.
Because thats what friends do.
I'm tired of other people making me feel like total crap about this too. I just cannot take it anymore. I'm 25 years old and I'm surrounded by so many people who tell me what they think is right for me, and I base ALL of my decisions on what they think and say. It's totally ridiculous because these are the same people who tell me to make my own decisions, to do what will make me happy. Oh, you mean what will make YOU happy. What YOU think is right for me.
I really apologize for the venting session, its also probably due to the fact that I'm pmsing. I'll be normal again when its over.
So, all I have left to say is that no one is perfect and more people need to realize that.
posted by Caroline @ Sunday, May 07, 2006
5 Comments:
I can kind of understand one part of how you feel: that everyone preaches to you about Steven and you don't feel that they should because they aren't in the relationship. The same thing happens to me with NB, and that's partially my fault because I blog about our fights, etc. and people think they ultimately understand. But, the fact is, just like you and Steven, you're right. No one should tell you how to feel about the relationship with him or that you would be better with someone else, because no one is with the two of you when y'all have the most important/special moments. For some reason, people like to tell people what they should do because they feel like that gives them some sort of control, which isn't right and understandably makes things harder for you.
The long distance thing must also be very difficult, I can't imagine. If you don't mind me asking, are either of you ever planning to move closer together geographically, or is that something y'all haven't discussed? Just wondering, because if so, maybe that would be enough to pull you through right now.
Anyway, you should do what YOU think is best, because you know about YOUR relationship better than anyone else does. Maybe you should tell that to the people who try to give you this advice, also.
Good luck and I hope it all gets easier. What's meant to be will always work out in the end.
I know how much the long distance thing sucks, and I also know how it feels to have people tell you to leave your boyfriend, give you unsolicited advice, etc.
People make comments to me about my bf's financial situation too. He has a job, but not a great one. He's only 23 though, and my response is that I don't need a man to support me financially. I'm perfectly happy with being the one to make more money. Would I mind being with a guy who was loaded? Of course not, but it's not a requirement.
People mean well, but I don't want advice unless I ask for it.
When Dave asked me to marry him he was broker than broke. His divorce cost him hundreds of thousands of dollars. His disability income from his car accident had been stopped before his doctors released him to return to work. I did not know if Dave would ever return to his former profession when I agreed to marry him.
Fortunately, everything turned out for the best - I think you were at his return to work party. I married my best friend - the absolute love of my life. I'd live in a cardboard box with Dave before I would live my life without him.
Dave's ex-wife used to tell people she married a doctor not an invalid after his car accident. The difference between me and her.....I married the invalid....I think I got the better part of the deal!
Do what makes YOU happy, friend. I'm always around to listen to you! ALWAYS.
My phone is always on...
Got the link change. :)
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