The Agony of a Broken Heart.

I was going to wait until tommorrow to post about this, but I finished this book today and I just couldn't wait until tommorrow. That could be because I'm currently bored and have nothing better to do, but whatever.

So, this book both helped alittle bit, but it didn't miraculously heal the pain of my broken heart. I think that Greg Behrendt is great because he's funny, and he has the ability to put himself into other peoples shoes and really relate to someone's situation, and understand what they're going through if its a bad one.

I'll admit that although its only been a week I feel like its been the longest week in history. I feel like a total whimpy girl because I've cried almost every day since last Tuesday, I can't sleep at night, and sometimes I have no appetite for food. But I still eat.

Today when I was walking down Michigan Avenue I thought about so much. When Steven lived here and all of the time that we spent together. Every job that I've had in the last year. My fears. My goals for the future. If it will be a freezing, snowy, unbearable Chicago winter. My friends. My family. Steven. Again.

I almost burst into tears when I thought about how much I was hurting inside, how something that I put so much into ended. How I wondered what Steven was thinking right at that very moment. When and if I'll ever see him again.

I hate this whole period of uncertainty, and I hate the fact that I miss Steven more and more every day. I miss the way that he smells, his laugh, his cooking, and that way he used to come up behind me and wrap his arms around me. I hate the fact that I cry whenever I'm alone. I hate the fact that every time my cellphone goes off I think that its him calling me or sending me a text message, or a voicemail. I hate the fact that sometimes I just flat out hate him. I hate him for ever leaving Chicago, for making me fall in love with him. For saying things that no one else had ever said to me before. For telling me that he loves me.

All I can do is take it one step at a time, and hope that one day things will be different. Until then I'll settle for "Its Called a Break-Up Because its Broken" because some things can't be fixed, or they need some time to heal before they can begin again.