Tuesday

Well thank goodness yesterday is over. I really don't think that it could've been any more crappy.

Things with my parents are better, I just need to realize that their sole mission in life is to drive me insane because they want me to be happy.

Other than that I've been doing some thinking, and I feel like I've been a bad friend. Deep down I know that I am a good friend, but currently I have mixed feelings. I thought about what Heather wrote on her blog about the whole phone call thing, and she is right. I mean everyone gets busy, forgets, or lazy. I completely understand what she was saying, and I'm happy to report that everything is fine between me and her.

I just try SO hard to please everyone, and keep the peace. I accomidate everyone, I do feel like I compromise, and if I said something to offend someone, I honestly have no recollection of it. If we are all entitled to our opinion, how are you supposed to know if you've said something rude?

I mean I KNOW when I've said something rude, or done something wrong.

And I don't want anyone to feel that I would blow them off for Steven. I have my obligations with him, and I want to be with him and thats that. I don't forget who my friends are.

I couldn't sleep last night because I was thinking so much about all of this. What if I really am a bad friend?? What if I never get the job that I want?? What if I never move out of here?? What if I myself never figure out who my true friends are??

I guess what I'm asking for is a little bit of advice on this one. Or input for that matter.

If you feel that I've been a bad friend, or that I am just not dependable, or a bad person just tell me.

I will understand and swim in guilt until my fingers get all pruny. Or arrange for my own stoning.