Digging up the Past

I've always been someone who says the past is the past, always look foward, never look back. I don't ever like to dwell on the past or hold grudges, and don't like it when other people do that.

However, myself, like many others are gulity of thinking about the past. For me it usually happens when I see things that remind of me of someone or something. Then I think about what could have been, why, or if maybe things would change in the future.

Lately I've been reminded of my last PBF. I feel like such an annoying girl for still even thinking about him, and hate that I do. But I've been seeing so many things that remind me of him, or things that we did together (how lame do I sound right now?!!!) and it's driving me crazy. When Steven and I broke up that happened too, but it was easier to move on because he's not in the same city as me. Sometimes I think that's it. Is it easier to get over someone when they're not living in the same city as you??

It makes me wonder if I should give him a call, but we all know what those phone calls are like. Awkward at first , then you break the ice as your voice gets all nervous, and then start rambling on about how "busy" you've been. I don't really enjoy playing catch up on the phone with people that I've dated, only with old friends. I mean you aren't with that person for a reason and do you really give a crap about what's going on in their life right now?? I think that you do if dated them for a long time, but if it was only a few months, how high is the level of interest in what's going on in their life? Also, is this some sort of weird double standard too?? In the sense do you think that guys ever think about these things?? I'm going to go with no.

So, what is wrong with me and how do I just stop acting like a neurotic girl?? Or finding things that are wrong with me that could've led to him just wanting to be "friends." What is that about too?? I think that guys just say that so they feel less guility, I really don't think that they ever have any intention of calling or seeing you again. I know that sounds bitter, but it's what I think is true. I even wonder that if I had not emailed Steven again if I would've ever heard from him again. One of my friends hates being the first person to contact someone, and I understand that.

Therefore, is it wrong to just give someone a call that you haven't spoken to in a few weeks?? Do you still have to continue to follow the "rules" if you are now just friends?? I don't get it. Maybe someone out there can shed some light on this for me.

Anyway, I have no clue if this post made any sense, but I had to get it off my chest. I hope that everyone had a nice weekend.